Do you feel like your toddler just isn’t listening? As a parent, few things are more frustrating than asking your child to do something and being ignored. These moments can leave you feeling disrespected and often pull you into a power struggle.

But let’s pause for a second. When we say our toddlers aren’t listening, what we really mean is they’re not doing what we asked. Spoiler alert: You can’t actually control your toddler’s actions (wouldn’t that be nice?), but you can control how you respond and set up their environment for success. Let’s dive into 3 common reasons why toddlers don’t listen and brainstorm some simple solutions that might just change the game.

1. They're not motivated.

Some tasks are just not fun for toddlers-or even adults! These often fall into two categories: chores like tidying up, setting the table, or making the bed, and transitions like putting on shoes, going to the bathroom, ending playtime, or turning off the screen. For these tricky moments, try using a “first, then” approach. This strategy pairs the task they need to do with something they want to do. For example, you might say, “First, you set the table, then you can enjoy your pasta.” While setting the table might not be their favorite activity, knowing that pasta is just a step away can give them the motivation to follow through.

2. They don't want to be told what to do.

Toddlers hear adults telling them what to do all day long. Imagine how hard it would be to have little to no say on your own schedule! If your toddler seems to resist listening because they’re craving independence, here’s an empowering solution: create a checklist for tasks that need to be done. This is especially helpful for multi-step routines, like getting ready for school or getting ready for bed. By giving your child their own checklist, you’re fostering independence and shifting the dynamic from “do what I say” to “let’s work together.” The checklist becomes the boss, not you. Pro tip: For toddlers who aren’t reading yet, add simple pictures next to each task so they can confidently follow the steps on their own—no help needed! 

For more support with setting your child up with a bedtime checklist and using it effectively, check out my free Bedtime Routines 101 training.

3. They're overwhelmed with the task.

As adults, we forget how many tiny steps go into a single task. Think about it: when you ask your toddler to "put your shoes on," you’re actually asking them to do four things—find socks, put the socks on, find shoes, and finally put the shoes on. That’s a lot for a little one! If your toddler seems overwhelmed by your request, try breaking it down into smaller, bite-sized steps. This makes the task more manageable and helps them understand all the parts involved. It’s a great way to set them up for success and build their confidence.

Of course, these three ideas aren't the only reasons your toddler might not be listening. The key is to ask yourself why they’re struggling and then brainstorm solutions that match their specific challenge. Remember, you can’t control your toddler’s actions, but you can control your own reaction and how you set up their environment for success. You’ve got this—one small step at a time!